Here’s the scene. I walk into my bedroom with a book to keep me company until dozing off time and notice an ugly spider the size of a tarantula on the ceiling. My bedroom floor is a tangled mess of ironing board legs, vacuum hose, suitcase, drying rack, and downed drapery rod and there’s no way I can or want to get closer to the beast. There’s also no way he and I can cohabitate. So I gather my courage and my vacuum rod extender and try to suck him off without quite being able to reach him. That doesn’t work and he scoots to hide behind the drapes which are even higher. Knocking the iron over, I go on the offensive and try to suck him up by standing on the doorsill. Thinking I am successful, I take the canister downstairs to the trash bins just in case he liked the centrifugal force ride. I bang the canister against the bin sides and make a heap of noise and then use a piece of plastic to pull out the stuck gunk. No spider. Repeat, this time with a flashlight. Once I’m sure he’s spinning , I vacuum up some cracked eggshells (from planting), hoping they will amputate his legs. Another trip to the bins. No spider. But would there be one?, I wonder. So I return to my room and investigate every fold in the drapes and the people across the street are wondering what the heck is going on with the flashlight doing some crazy s.o.s out the window. I run the vacuum for a few minutes and then put it in the living room in case the spider is capable of walking out the extension tube and then I lay down with the light on. And throughout the night, when I wake up or get up, I’m on the lookout for a dark spot on the ceiling, wall, or floor. And today, I’m super cleaning my apartment just to make sure. I took a picture of him in case I needed to explain to a Dr. why I had a huge red bump on my forehead…and I’m still somewhere between irrationally freaked out and imaginably grossed out. How was your night?